My mother started going gray when she was 18—and she just let it happen. In those days women who colored their hair were considered floozies—or worse—and who needs that? Anyway, she was so beautiful nobody cared what color her hair was.

But it turns out that more and more women (and men) DO care about their hair these days. In fact, it is said that there are some parts of Los Angeles and Manhattan where not a gray hair can be found. 

Now comes TIME magazine with a story titled “The Gray Wars.” Apparently looking younger than you are is increasingly important in every walk of life except mine workers and shepherds. The article was illustrated with pictures of lots of famous people with dark hair (apparently dyed) and then how they’d look if they were gray.

They included Hillary Clinton, John Edwards, Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, the governor of California (I said that so I didn’t have to write Schwarzenegger), and Brian Williams. My opinion? Most of ‘em looked just fine with some gray, and Brian Williams looked absolutely stunning. And frankly, more believable. Does he think Walter Cronkite would have been the most trusted man in America if he’d had a dark brown mane with matching eyebrows? 

A former brunette, I was 38 years old when my hair began to go gray. Which is when I started to dye—and lie. I was a reporter for the Detroit News back then, and I thought I should look as young as all those kids just out of “J school.” So whenever someone asked, “Is that your real color?,” I—um—prevaricated. Which isn’t as bad as it sounds—really it isn’t. As far as I was concerned, my job security lay not with the newspaper guild but with Clairol ash brown—not too light to shock people and not too dark to amuse them.

But after years of dyeing, I found myself dreading it. It’s a mess, it’s time consuming, and nobody was fooled anyway, so what’s the point? Besides, I kept putting it off so long that my roots were always threatening to “out” me without my consent.

So now I’m gray—and now I find out that my former smoking habit may have been instrumental in bringing it on in the first place. According to Science News, researchers in Lancashire, England, have discovered that smokers are four times more likely to have gray hair than nonsmokers. To prove that, I have only to look at my husband, who has never smoked and who, at 73, has hair that’s graying only at the temples. Who knew?

We’ve long known that smokers’ skin ages (read, wrinkles) faster than nonsmokers, and now we find out that our hair follicles do too. We haven’t come a long way, baby. We just LOOK like we have.

And science isn’t finished with the bad news. Turns out there’s lead in them there hair-coloring bottles—and lead that close to the brain is not a good thing. Some wag has suggested that’s why bottle blondes got their reputations for not being the brightest candles on the cake. I, however, don’t tell blonde jokes. Reasons: Once I WAS one—and, 

Q. What’s brown and black and blue all over?
A. A brunette who’s told one too many blonde jokes.

However, I think the following statement should be on all those bottles of hair color. Warning! This product could be hazardous to your future as a rocket scientist. It may even explain why I couldn’t get into Cal-Tech. And I thought it was my SAT scores. Silly me.

Well anyway, now that I’m the old gray mare, I hate how boring my beaner looks, so lately I’ve been cruising shelves of hair coloring products looking for those packages that promise a groovy silvery-white look.

You know what? They’ve stopped selling it. I can’t find it anywhere. Apparently, if I don’t want to look younger than I am, I’m stuck with looking my age, only worse. Pooh.

Does hair dye cause cancer? Well, that’s been a question for many years now, with dark brown and black dye considered the worst culprits. The upshot? Probably not.

That’s good news for the 54 percent of women between the ages of 13 (!?) and 69 who color their hair, and the one in 12 men who do. 

But hey, you still gotta watch out for that lead. I don’t get it. Does China make all our hair dye? Why do we recall Tommy the Tank Train and not “Nice and Easy?” Don’t we have better uses for lead? Let’s, as they say, get the lead out.

I say this because if I ever find some silvery-white hair coloring, I, by golly, am going to use it. I can’t do anything about my personality but, darn it, my hair doesn’t have to be dull.

Donna loves to hear from her readers. You can reach her at WriteforPub@aol.com.