For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to try yoga. Maybe it was my California roots. Maybe, after becoming a wife, mother, and employee, it was just an hour of solitude I sought. Maybe it was something more, something deeper.

Despite my yearnings, I had a hard time doing anything about it. Years ago an authentic yoga instructor had taught a class at my gym, and I attended it twice. I never forgot how personal the experience was for me, and how difficult for the same reason. I wasn’t in the best emotional condition at the time and was surprised to feel my emotions so clearly during the classes. The yoga instructor left and classes were soon replaced with more fitness-oriented yoga or pilates classes, which many people prefer but didn’t resonate with me in the same way. I went back to forgetting about yoga and saying to myself, “I’d really like to do that again.”

Sometime later a friend told me about an “authentic yoga studio” and even picked me up a schedule, but I never made the time to go.

Now yoga is not just an idle thought, it’s a necessity. After being diagnosed with three consecutive stress-related illnesses, I finally believe it might be true that I really am stressed. More to the point, I am uncomfortable enough to do something about it. If there’s one thing widely acknowledged about yoga, it’s that it is a stress reliever.

Having decided to take real action and try yoga again, I knew exactly where I wanted to go. I had been inside the Harmony Healing Center in Shepherdstown once for a demonstration and realized it was the same studio my friend had encouraged me to try. I could tell it was the perfect environment for yoga.

I attended a couple of classes by different instructors and immediately connected. I signed up for my first session, a six-week commitment. I opted for Beginning Yoga because I was clearly a novice.

In my first class our teacher Connie Wilson explained that she taught Kripalu Yoga, which means compassion. Upon hearing that, I felt spontaneous tears journey silently down my cheeks. Compassion has been my personal theme song for 2007. My life has felt like an emotional roller-coaster for the past year, and one of the most important things I’ve learned is to have compassion for myself. As an added bonus, as I’ve practiced self-compassion, it has helped me naturally have compassion for others. Suffice it to say, I knew for sure I was in the right place.

Many times, I have found myself in tears as I practice yoga. It is the one hour I feel connected to myself and my body without judgment. The room is inviting and comfortable with its gleaming hardwood floors, glowing candles and soft music, and devoid of wall-to-wall mirrors in which to scrutinize myself. The experience feels personal and powerful.

Like many women I’ve met, I do constant battle with self-judgment. I refer to it as self-loathing. The voice in my head is constantly comparing me to others, chastising me, and telling me I’m not good enough. After gaining some weight back over the past year of emotional and physical turmoil, that voice can be loud and make me feel depressed.

In addition to making me feel calm and peaceful, yoga forces me to connect with myself in a positive way. It forces me to focus my body and its intentions on the very next movement, keeping me in the moment and nowhere else. If a thought comes, it is quickly brushed aside as I continue the flow of yoga.

I wasn’t sure if yoga would be hard, but so far I’ve been able to do all the moves. If something feels uncomfortable, I do what feels best, as Connie often reminds us to do. I breathe. I push myself to try the next level. No matter what I do, or don’t do, it’s always the right thing.

Connie believes yoga is about creating space inside and said it also creates emotional space. When I shared that doing yoga sometimes makes me cry, and that it feels like such a profound experience, she was happy for me. She said it takes some people years to have that connection, while others experience it right from the beginning.

“Yoga works in many layers,” Connie said, “so it doesn’t just work the muscles and connective tissue. It works layer after layer. People laugh, cry, and have things come up they didn’t know existed.”

“When you create the space inside, emotions are more free to come up. It’s not uncommon for people to have an unanticipated rush or flow of emotion that doesn’t feel connected to anything in particular,” she added.

“That’s why, in practice, there is space and time to rest,” Connie explained. “In yoga you have time within the practice to integrate what you experience. If you have emotion or a sense of emptiness, you get to savor it a while rather than rushing to the next thing. Yoga gives you sacred pauses.”

Connie also said the stretching and strengthening one gets from yoga is a bonus. “You will see a change in flexibility and strength, but it’s not really about that. It’s not the essence of yoga.”

The main benefit of yoga is self-awareness. “I think of it as being a moving meditation,” said Connie. “In some forms of meditation, you focus on breath or a mantra. With yoga, you’re focused on movement, which can be easier than focusing on other things. Yoga doesn’t have to be complicated, but each movement focuses your awareness on performing it. The usual chatter that is often present is seamlessly and easily gone, and you’re in the movement.”

There are many types of yoga practiced today. Hatha Yoga, Ashtanga, Bikram, Kundalini, and Kripalu are just a few of the more popular styles offered. Connie likened all the different yogas to “alphabet soup.” She said often it’s not the postures that vary from style to style as much as the energy.

“You don’t have to do anything complicated or advanced,” she said. In her classes the external form really isn’t the emphasis. The teacher checks the alignment of the students so they are safe, but it’s the internal experience that matters. According to Connie, Kripalu Yoga is about finding a way to make yoga work for each person, no matter their age or limitations. It works for everybody and is both energizing and relaxing.

So why doesn’t everyone do it? Good question. Even Connie said she regularly sees people who say they want to try it, but never show up. My theory is that it’s hard to give yourself that hour. We are so stingy with our time and how we decide it should be spent. Often we let others decide for us. Spending an hour doing yoga would be a gift to ourselves—not to mention the stress reduction, physical health benefits, and emotional release it provides. And we’re worth it, as is our mental, physical, and spiritual health.

The poem by Danna Faulds read by Connie at the end of a recent class says it all:

“Do yoga with no goal but to be in the moment.
This breath, this stretch, this wave of emotion rolling in.
Watch it crest, and break, then dissipate.
Hold the body like a lover in a close embrace,
listening with intimacy, touching with tenderness.
Yoga is a threshold into mystery;
each pose an open doorway and an invitation to unfold.
Sensations rise and fall, and through it all
the deathless center radiates the simple truth of union.”


Where to find yoga

There is only one yoga studio in Jefferson County. But yoga is taught in many fitness centers and through continuing education programs. Some require membership, while others allow drop-ins for a fee. No matter where yoga is offered, classes often change and space is limited. Make sure to research what type of yoga is offered and the credentials of the instructor(s). Some classes are more fitness-centered while others are more meditative or focused on self.

Shanti Saagar Yoga
Harmony Healing Arts Center
283-6188 (JiJi)
876-6918 (Judy)
www.ssyoga.org

Beauty Center, Inc.
231 W. Washington St.
Charles Town
725-1766
home.comcast.net/~beautycenterfitness (each month’s fitness schedule is online here)

Gold’s Gym
64 Somerset Blvd.
Charles Town
304-728-GOLD (4653)